So... I have a slight obsession with online games. Not just any online games though. No, these are particularly addictive. I shall not name it, but before I started my blog post I made sure I harvested my crops and fruit trees, feed my animals, planted and watered more crops, and did some baking, all on my online virtual farm full of positive reinforcement on both fixed and variable ratio schedules. The most effective training programme you can use on any animal, especially us humans.
I recently made a nice wee diagram as part of my preparation (*cough* procrastination *cough*) for study. It is a piece of paper nicely divided into four squares, or quadrants, that are titled with important or not important, and urgent or not urgent (see conveniently placed picture to the right...) I was going to put this game into the "not important or urgent" category, but I realised that I was in denial. While it wasn't important... (although I would be soooooo annoyed if I lost my game - I'm level 12!) I admit that it was urgent for me. I had a deadline to complete this achievement thingy and I would get a cool chicken if I did and and and... oh dear lord save me now.
The thing with these types of games, and one major social networking site, is that if you "deactive" or "close down" your account, you actually aren't doing anything. Your game/page is still there and if you log back in it'll "reactivate" and be back to normal. Essentially the site/provider is lying to you through the screen and tricking you to believe that you've really deactivated something when all they want is to make it easy for you to get hooked again. If I deleted my game, and then realised that when I played it again everything was still there, I am a thousand times more likely to keep coming back. It's a sad, sad cycle and I am sorry to admit that I've been lured into it.
How do I get out of it? Well for starters, have better things to do, but when I'm studying it's so easy to be distracted. Once you get into the groove, studying is actually rewarding (don't kill me study haters!) but I find it so difficult to get cracka-lackin' that I'm really good at taking breaks. Trip to the bathroom, cups of tea/hot chocolate/water, putting makeup on, doing my hair, redoing my hair, putting more makeup on, talking to everyone in the hall, reading every book except my textbook, cooking, cleaning, eating, SPCAing... you name it, I've used it to procrastinate. But it's kinda getting to the not funny stage now. My first, and hardest, exam is in 3 days and every time I look at my notes I get a bit dazed.
So as I blog to procrastinate and push back the feeling of dread slowly encompassing me, I realise that no amount of wit and wonder can help me find a shortcut past this study-week-long mental block. I simply need to just do it. In an ideal world, I wouldn't touch facebook, let alone my virtual farm (those chickens need feeding every 5 minutes! So unrealistic...), and youtube would miss me trawling through it's makeup tutorials and crazy science videos, and I would kick my tea habit and drink water instead, and actually study (with short breaks) all day... So maybe - just maybe - I could try these things. I'll let you know how I go. See you on the other side...
Something that has been on my heart recently is the saying "actions speak louder than words". Sometimes, words can be very meaningful (e.g. wedding vows) but more often than not I find myself saying things that I actually don't mean (e.g. saying one thing and then doing another). I try to think about what I say before I say it but that is easier said than done! In fact, a lot of things are easier said than done.
There are a lot of things in the media that are made out to be easy, and for a good price. The messages we get bombarded with can be quite overwhelming. "Get fit" "eat right" "lose weight" "buy this and you'll be happy" "you need <insert object> to complete your life" and so on and so forth. What would the media looked like if realistic goals were advertised? It's hard to imagine. And what if the pressure put on by bright colours and "SALE! SALE!!! SALE!!!!" weren't in our faces all the time? I'd definitely be a lot more relaxed. There's a reason I prefer to mute the sound of the TV in the ad breaks.
The one thing I have taken a long time to realise is, despite what the TV says, I don't need to have/do/buy everything advertised. I know, mind absolutely blown, right? But it's easy to get sucked in. It's also easy to say you aren't, but your actions and attitudes give it away. I have an essential flaw in this area. I'm not so bad now, but I used to be terrible at saying "NO!". It's mean. It's a rejection. But apparently I have every right to say "no" to someone who wants some of my resources, because I have limited resources to give. It was a case of "oh yes, I'm good at managing my time" and then saying "yes" to everyone who asked for help and running myself into the ground.
I learned that I can't just commit without thinking, or agreeing without sleeping on it, or say "yes" without talking to over with people that know me well. Why? Because I need to pause, think, wait, so I can say what I mean, and mean what I say - and then back it up with actions. So now, I'm really careful (most of the time...) about what comes out of my mouth. The amount of nonsense I can spit out per minute is quite impressive and quality definitely gives way to quantity. I am slowly learning to slow the tidal wave of words, and add to the intelligent conversation instead of the noise. It actually means I listen more, and become focused on the people around me instead of on myself.
In the famous words of a Sunday school teacher's song...
"I don't wanna be a hypocrite, I don't wanna be a hypocrite... cos they're not hip with it! Yeah I don't wanna be a hypocrite! No, no!"
