Great expectations

Today was not a good day. After missing most of my lab, and napping when I should have been on campus later for a meeting, I passionately told my friend that “I wouldn’t cut the horse off a tail” and then discovered that the internet wasn’t working. “Argh” is the best word to represent how I feel at the moment. As an extrovert, I like to talk about everything that goes on in my head, but alas I do not have time so instead of having a full-blown rant, I guess I could get over myself and write an interesting blog post.

I think we’ve all heard nice sayings like “learn from your mistakes” or “two steps forward, one step back” or “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” or (my favourite) “shit happens”. And yet, as clever and concise as these sayings are, it still doesn’t make up for the fact that when things don’t go according to plan, it just sucks. I still think that the ideas put forward are very valid. I mean, shit does happen and if you can endure and get through you will be stronger, even if it means the way out isn’t linear and you make mistakes along the way (see what I did there? It’s called paraphrasing). But accepting this is just really hard, especially when success is valued so highly. And because failure is the opposite of success it is to be avoided at all costs. (I almost said “in western countries” but I think this could actually be true of most of the societies around the world).

Like all difficult concepts that I struggle with, there seems to be a balance of risk-taking and playing it safe. It’s all relative, said Einstein, and I think he had a point. Accidental spoonerisms in a friendly situation are really funny, but not when you get “fancy duck” mixed up in front of someone important… But the more I think about this, the more I realise how complex the idea of accepting failure is. You've gotta be in to win, but am I putting too much value on the outcome so that it is costing me? Or am I too scared to take a risk because it seems too hard and there would be no immediate satisfaction?

The easiest way to figure this out is to look at our expectations, and how we react when these expectations aren't met. What do you expect of yourself and the world around you? I expected the internet to be working, but, quite simply, it wasn’t. I had the right to expect that when I opened my browser the internet would be working but how did I react? Did I have a tantrum or write a blog post? (Well I did both really). How about something more important to me: if I expected myself to study all the time, I would let myself down constantly. I’ve had this expectation dangling over my head for a very long time and I have had to battle with the idea that study is not the be all and end all. Often I get to the end of a day, and see that I haven't done as much as I wanted. It's quite disappointing and usually my motivation disappears. While I can't be lazy, I've had to realise that the amount of study I do still works for me, even though my initial expectations weren't being met. With this new perspective, I can set out to see how I study best and change my view of my work habits.

What about things that are more out of our control? The bus being late, or tripping over on the way to class, or forgetting to do something, or the internet not working (!), or even letting someone down without realising it. It kinda makes me sad to realise that we (i.e. humans) are obsessed with the only thing that we'll never achieve: perfection. And I can't ignore the spiritual ramifications of this. The way my mum puts it, is that we live in a broken world. It is far from perfect and everyone knows it. Even closer to home is that when you look at youself from your own point of view, you aren't perfect either. But here is where perspective comes in handy. God made us in his very own image (genesis 1:26) and when he looked at everything he made (including you!!) he saw that all of it was good (genesis 1:31). It goes downhill pretty quickly from there when Adam and Eve start to think that they might just ignore what God has told them. But they are still in God's image. They are still created to be perfect, but by God's doing not their own. God sees us as perfect regardless, and we still expect God to turn around and say "just kidding, you have to earn your salvation". Nothing could be further from the truth.

So maybe ask yourself what kinds of things you expect to do, and how you react when you fail to meet these. If you're falling short of a goal, is it really your fault or have you set the standard too high? And what about how you see others. Do you expect them to be a certain way? Do you judge them when they can't live up to your expectations of them? And finally, how do you see yourself and the world? Have you got your God-lenses on? Happy mistake-making :)

 

Spoonerism in all it's might

 

Gardens

Me and my friend almost got locked inside the palmerston north botanical gardens last night. After a wrong left turn we decided that we could just drive through the gardens as a shortcut. The gate was open and off we went, passing a car on the way. I thought they flashed their lights at us, but we dismissed it as the car was bouncing over a speed bump. We confidently drove closer to the exit, only to realise that the gates were shut! A U-turn and a bit of speeding later, we drove past the aforementioned car which turned out to be a security guy closing the gates. Luckily, he waited for us and we were able to drive back out the way we came. Phew!

Do you remember the novel turned movie, The Secret Garden? I used to watch it all the time when I was younger. I remember it being so mystical and so beautiful and so sad. If you don't know the story, it's a about a girl who is orphaned and sent to live with her uncle who is severely depressed after losing his wife. The girl finds a neglected garden that belonged to her late aunt and, along with a servant boy and her previously bedridden cousin, they bring the garden back to life. The uncle eventually finds them in the garden and, seeing that his son is strong and that the garden is alive, is filled with joy (yay). It really is such an enchanting story. It reminds me of the preciousness of life, and looking after that life and that we are here to grow not to hide so we fade away.

I've always loved big gardens. Almost every city has at least one. They give you a sense of peace if you want them too. You can focus on the beauty instead of on your current situation. It helps me to quiet my mind a bit, though I don't think it'd be possible to make it completely silent, and helps me to stop and think, as I'm always on the move. That's the extrovert in me coming through! I really like the concept of gardens too. It seems like all the plants and trees and flowers make each other so much more beautiful than they would be on their own. A sort of body with many parts, all growing and contrasting with each other. Some gardens are planted so that different flowers bloom in different seasons, so one patch is never without colour. And as always I enjoy the link between this and the way I feel God has set up community, although I'll let you think about that on your own.

I think gardens also bring us down to earth, so to speak. They give you the connection back to creation in a way that manmade things may never be able to do. Sure, a garden is regulated and controlled by man, but I still think it's just pruning nature so we can see all it's wild beauty on display. I don't want to neccessarily go live in a garden so I can feel like I'm going back to my roots (pun intended), but I do like the sense being in a garden gives me that is so different to being cooped up in a room and studying all day. If you have read or heard of Genesis (the first book of the bible), you'll be aware that creation all started off in a garden. God made this place full of life and to sustain that life, including us, so that we could live in harmony with Him and creation. Sounds pretty cool to me. I think maybe that's why I find gardens so special - as I often think of God in the quiet and cool atmosphere. I love the verses in the bible that talk about creation reflecting His glory and singing praises. I don't hear trees literally singing, but they just stand there and are so awesome and because God created them, I know He is pretty awesome too.

Cherry blossoms :) so pretty...

Salsa!

Tonight is my hall's annual formal dinner! It's Alice and Wonderland themed, and I'm going with the Queen of hearts in mind. And, to top it off, some of the others in the hall have been teaching us basic salsa steps and it is so much fun! We had a lesson a couple of days ago, and sadly there were no men as they were at football... but this morning there were equal numbers of male and female and it made it a lot more fun! We learned the basic forward and back and side to side steps, and a turn, and a crossoverthingy where you do a 180 degree turn. I had heaps of fun (as I keep saying) and it's really good for getting to know people you may not otherwise talk to unless you were in close proximity and trying to salsa. And although when thinking of salsa one pictures two sexy people get their jig on (see below), I can assure you that nothing of the sort will come to pass tonight. We're all 'grown-up' apparently but there will always be the awkward "ew guys" and "omg it's a girl I haven't seen one in years" feelings floating around!

 

Remember Bert the cadaver? Well on Tuesday in our anatomy lab we really got stuck into him. For the last 6 weeks before break we'd been focusing solely on the the forelimb... but this week we used scalpels and bone crushers (hehehe) to get through the rib cage and take a look at his lungs and heart. SO COOL. We removed each lung and looked at the different parts and compared left and right (cos they're different...) and marvelled at the fact that we were holding lungs. You don't get to do that very often! So that was very exciting. We also had two tests this week, which were not exciting, but as vet students we take them seriously or something like that...

 

 

Gotta love memes! Anywho, I've got an assignment to do and it involves drawing something that I don't really understand... so we'll see how that goes. I'll try and get lots of photos from the dinner tonight and just post them everywhere so you can see my attempt at dressing up! I'm so looking forward to salsa, and the dinner should be amazing too! Until next time :)

A moth made in heaven

Yesterday I brought in some clothes from the washing line and later on found a moth sitting on one of the shirts. I wanted it out of the room (because it's harder to get to sleep if I know there are bugs around me) and stood for a while, plotting my plan of attack. I'm not very good with bugs, but I know that moths are harmless. In fact, I'm quite adept at catching them and biffing them outside usually but this one got the better of me. I was too chicken to pick it up and the longer I looked at it, the more grossed out I got by its bug-ness so I grabbed a tissue and tried to get it to hop onto it so I could carry it. This failing, I did something that I felt, and still feel, really bad about: I squished it.

I tried to justify my actions by thinking that it was just a moth and there are plenty more where that came from, and that it probably wasn't going to live long anyway... but the guilt came rolling in and then my brain decided to have a deep conversation with me about the parallels between moths and life. So here goes:

Brain: You know that was really selfish.
Me: Uh...
Brain: You could have easily just taken it outside.
Me: Well, I...
Brain: And then the moth would be fine, and you'd feel much better.
Me: Ok I get it, can we talk about something else?
Brain: Nope. So I was thinking (because that's my job) that this is a lot like life.
Me: Oh man, save me know.
Brain: You see, instead of making a small sacrifice for the moth, you decided to do something even more costly to all those involved.
Me: Well maybe next time I'll do it just to shut you up.
Brain: And, now we get to learn from your mistake and apply it to the real world.
Me: Oh joy.
Brain: So humor me. If it had been a butterfly, would you have taken it outside?
Me: Uh, I mean sure. They're so pretty.
Brain: But isn't a moth just a slightly browner version of a butterfly?
Me: They are SO different...
Brain: But can you see where I'm going?
Me: Kinda...
Brain: Look at it this way. You let your judgements of the moth get in your way of making a small sacrifice to help it. Instead of loving straight away, you let yourself turn away in disgust and get rid of the "problem" in a way that was essentially inhumane.
Me: Hey, that's a bit harsh don't you think?
Brain: But don't you see? You're called to love all of creation, whether moth, tree, person, dog, no matter what. Selective loving doesn't cut it. You need to love unconditionally, 24/7, 365 days a year. Whoever or whatever happens to cross your path, your first reaction is love.
Me: Love. Moths. You gotta be joking.
Brain: God created all things, great and small. If you can love a moth, you can love anything.
Me: So, what you're saying is, that I made a decision that was not from love?
Brain: Yeah! You're getting it now.
Me: OK, so if I come from the perspective of love first, not judge first, what will happen?
Brain: What Jesus calls us to do is further His kingdom. You see, Jesus lives in the love we share for one another. He is where love comes from so if we love, then we are demonstrating Jesus to the world. God said to leave the judgement up to Him. All we gotta do is love like Jesus would and you're on the right track.
Me: I see where you're going. Actually I'm kinda glad the judging is not up to me. It's tiring stuff.
Brain: So true! I'd rather we focused on brainstorming of how we can show love to people.
Me: Sounds like a plan!
Brain: :)

So you can see that it was quite an intense discussion but I hope I got the message across. If you can make a small sacrifice to show a little love, it will be so much greater than looking after number one. Trust me.